Dear Kalvin,
I fell out of bed this morning while trying to get out of bed… So at least I accomplished the thing I was trying to accomplish, right?
Being pregnant is hard.
I'm not trying to complain…ok I'm totally complaining for a minute.
I feel like I need to clear the air in case anyone has looked at my 'internet life' and thought "Man, Kayla's got it easy. I wish I had as much fun as she does!" (not saying anyone is).
But this has been the most challenging 6 months of my life! If you've ever had to evict someone from their home, no matter how nasty they are to you, it's not a great feeling. And I had to do that 6 times, meet with our lawyer 4 times, attend court once and try to make sure apartments that were completely destroyed, were fixed up and rentable, all within my first trimester.
Let me remind you that my first trimester I literally could not sit up because I would throw up if I tried. I wrapped blankets around my face to try and bock out the smell when changing Kacie's diaper because I literally threw up every time she pooped. I banned all farting within 30 feet of me because, you guessed it, I threw up just at the thought of a stinky fart. I lost 7 pounds because I was too nauseous to keep anything down. I made Kacie stay in her crib until 11:00 am some days because I needed the extra 5 hours of sleep. And I completely backtracked all of the progress that we made with eating healthy because I couldn't get off the couch.
My second trimester brought no relief as I blew off my dear friends, spent all our money eating out and forced my husband to take care of the housework even though he was incredibly busy with full time work and school. I've managed to teach Kacie hardly any discipline, I've cause Kyle and I to gain back all the weight we worked so hard to lose last year, and if we go broke, we can blame the insane amount of laundry I've had to do because I can't tell you how many times I peed my pants! My boobs hurt, my back is sore, my heartburn is intense and constant, I don't sleep well and my hormones are making me a crazy person!
I still haven't gotten all of our empty units filled (which isn't entirely my fault), I practically live off of sugar and don't bother me between 2 and 5 because if I miss my nap, I get irrationally angry. Your poor father gets to come home from a long day of work and school to deal with a frustrated toddler who cries a lot because she's still learning to talk and a moody wife who constantly forgets things, like basic vocabulary and making dinner!
To say I am done, ready to deliver you, is an understatement. I am beyond honored that I have this ability to create life and with every kick that I feel from you (which is like every 5 seconds) I smile and think of how miraculous it is that I am developing a human right there inside of me! I am truly amazed at that ability and process.
But today we entered the third trimester.
The part of pregnancy where I drink 2 grams of water and then have to pee like I've literally never peed before. When you begin to grow to the size that just takes over my body and I'm forced to sit like an awkward, crooked, jagged line!
I have spent most of this pregnancy in sweats and I rarely do anything productive. My daily goal is to get the dishes done, and even that doesn't happen every day. If we decide to leave the house, it's for food, and then I only last about 10 minutes before I'm already ready to go home and 'relax.' I force myself to stay out longer so that Kacie doesn't get too bored at home. But I'm not sure that Kacie has had a lunch she actually enjoyed (besides corn dogs)in months because I'm too lazy to put much effort into anything.
My point is that while the act of creating life is beautiful and amazing, it's not easy at all and while most days are fine and I'm overall happy with my life, there are plenty of days when I throw in the towel, stay in my PJ's and ignore all responsibilities.
Some days it is easy to deal with all the issues pregnancy brings and it is easy to be ok with all the extra stuff I have to deal with. All I have to do is think of how great a reward you will be and it makes it bearable!
And I have to remember what my book told me:
"On the days that are a little bit more difficult, be grateful you're not an elephant! Because elephants can be pregnant for up to 24 months!
So 9 months is great!
Although I did realize that I don't really have anything ready for you. I mean, it's still 3 months away but at this point we had a lot ready for Kacie! Second babies are like that though. With your first, everyone is super excited and ready to help with everything! With seconds, it's like they're still excited but we're like, oh you've done this before, you're good!
Anyway, my point is simply that it was a lot easier when there were no babies around, to feel prepared at this point in time than it has been with Kacie running around.
If all else fails, you can borrow some of your sisters less girly clothes for a few hours while dad runs to the store to buy you something manly. And we could just steal diapers and other essentials from the hospital.
So actually, we're totally prepared!
And we have a cool baseball decoration so really, what else could we possibly need?
Ok, so enough of the 'getting real' talk.
The fun stuff!:
You move all the time! It's so cool to see my stomach just roll around.
When I think about 3 months left, I am just super anxious! Like, it motivates me, "I've got thiiiis!"
Your dad calls you 'buddy' and it makes me so happy.
I've gained a lot of unnecessary weight because you like sugar, but thats ok, cause I like sugar too!
Kacie kisses my belly sometimes and while she has no idea why she is doing it, it makes your father and I smile!
We are so excited to see you two interact!
We love you so much and remember, April 8th is your Grandma Sandra's birthday so don't worry about coming on the 17th.
We love you!!
Mom and Dad
(this post is a little out of order, but I am a few posts behind…)
